


A is for Avocados

by Skyuni123



Series: Alpha Beta Gals [1]
Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: A is for Avocados, Author Commentary, Comedy, Crack, Gen, Humor, POV Second Person, a day in the life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 04:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7493790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyuni123/pseuds/Skyuni123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erin Gilbert is being haunted by a ghost with a vengeance.<br/>A particular... fruit-based... vengeance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A is for Avocados

The scene opens in the Ghostbusters' firehouse bathroom. It looks exactly like every bathroom on television, except with more Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy in it. Let's be honest, a film with these big budget actors in it isn't going to spend much money on bathroom decorating. The actors act.

 

“Is it wrong to unequivocally hate a certain fruit?” Erin Gilbert says, voice a bit muffled, as she is currently face down in a sink.

Before her best friend, and current hair-washing partner, Abby Yates, can answer, Patty Tolen calls from out in the main room of the firehouse. “It definitely is not, baby!”

“What?” Abby cranes her head in the direction of the other woman, genuinely surprised.   
Erin doesn’t do anything, because her hair currently smells like the wrong end of an Olive Garden and she is also still face down in a sink. 

“Avocados are expensive as hell and don’t even taste good.” Patty adds. “I hate them.” She’s sitting, flicking through a Polish phrasebook, and doesn’t even look phased.

“Okay, well, in that case, I hate tomatoes.” Erin removes her head from the sink and squeezes the extra water from her hair. The water runs clear, which isn’t a positive thing, considering that when she looks in the mirror her hair resembles something far more pink than she is used to. She sighs. “Do you think tomato sauce has a vendetta against me? This is the third time in four days!”

Abby snorts. “Maybe we could write another book about the violent use of giant pots of tomato sauce in ghost warfare. It’d go down a treat on Reddit.”

“Yes, let’s give them another reason to hate us.” Erin, says, topically, and grabs a towel and rubs at her hair, making very little leeway towards drying it. The towel stays a stubborn white colour.

“The hair looks great, Erin. Very punk.” Jillian Holtzmann strolls past, carrying a comically overlarge wrench, “You smell like pizza though.” She settles down at the table opposite Patty.

“Dlaczego masz narzędzie?” Patty says, in greeting.

Holtzmann nods slowly, drops the wrench onto the table and says, “I have no idea what you just said.”

“Tak.” Patty said, and nods.

“Can I have some of your hair, Erin?” Holtzmann asks, fiddling with the wrench. “It’s for science.”

“You saying that something is ‘for science’ scares me, Holtzy.” Patty switches back to English for the sake of the assembled characters and this author’s bad Google translating. 

“Good.” Holtzmann continues, “But seriously.” She fixes Erin with a steely grin that does nothing to belie Erin’s uneasy feelings about Holtzmann’s ‘science’.

“Why…?” Erin asks, continuing to rub furiously at her hair in a way that’s probably pretty damaging.   
This author wouldn’t know. This author’s hair’s been fucked for years.

“I’m pretty sure that tomatoes aren’t supposed to turn your hair that pink.” Holtzmann says. “I could do a couple of tests?”

“Fine.” Erin sighs, and sits down at the table, abandoning the towel in favour of just tying her (very pink) hair up into a ponytail.

This author, realising that four characters are hard to control at one time, makes the phone ring. The fifth character, Kevin, who has been playing chess against himself this entire while (very quietly) answers it.  
“Hello, Ghostbusters?” He says, very proficiently, because even this author thinks that Kevin could be portrayed as a little bit brighter. “Yes… I -”

And as the camera pulls back on this scene, we see delightfully-naive Kevin giving the four gal pals (and let’s face it that’s all that they’ll canonically be because Sony is a bitch) their next mission. 

In the end, the restaurant ghost that keeps tipping tomato sauce over the charmingly-frumpy Erin Gilbert, is a disgraced chef, shocked to discover that the current restaurant’s owners are in fact just colouring white sauce red to keep costs down. (Erin conveniently resembles the wife of the current restaurant owner in more ways than one).  
The ghost in question bears a certain resemblance to a current sweary television chef (who certainly isn’t dead).

That is, however, a story for another day. (And for a better fanfiction writer).

**Author's Note:**

> let's get real I wrote most of this in the shower. it's cracky, so what there's hardly any fics in this fandom and I wanna contribute something. the rest of alpha beta gals won't be as ridiculous
> 
> if you wanna read more or chat to me, my ghostbusters tumblr is @pansexualjillianholtzmann and my normal tumblr is @villainousfilmmaker
> 
> get amongst yo


End file.
